The Moment Everything Changed (Lucy's Life #1) Page 5

  “See you Monday.” I say making my way.

  I’m hobbling down the long walkway to our unit. Tilting the walker up on the step I push it into the house. After about five minutes of struggling on my own I’m finally inside. Where is everyone?

  Closing the front door behind me I can hear my mom talking on the phone. Great is she making weekend plans? Just as I fear she quietly hangs up the phone.

  “Is Britney with you?” My mom asks concerned.

  “No. Why?” I manage to slip out of these annoying shoes.

  “I’m going to bingo this weekend.” She says.

  Of course, she is. My heart begins to pick up speed. “Am I in-charge tonight then?” I question hiding my eyes. Can’t let her see my fear.

  “Max will be here.” She returns.

  “Why?” I snap almost losing control. Everything is spinning and I feel like I’m about to pass out. “I’m old enough to watch the boys...I’ll even get Ray to stay in too to help me.” I plea.

  “Max is already on his way over.” She continues.

  “Ugh.” I turn and start up the stairs.

  “Why are you being like this Lucy?” She yells after me.

  “You wouldn’t understand.” I snap back and continue up the stairs.

  I make it to my room moments later, slamming the door behind me. I throw my backpack on my bed then topple into my comfy chair. As if today wasn’t bad enough, now I’d be left alone with Max…until all hours of the night…Just the thought of it was too much. I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. I literally broke down crying. It’s not like I was afraid of someone on the other side over hearing, I’d gotten good at breaking down without making a sound. Years of practice I guess.

  ****

  A couple of hours later I hear my mom go out the front door. Nice of you to tell me you’re leaving. I mumble as a tear escapes. It’s not that I’m upset she left, it’s not like she’s really here, when she’s here anyway, it’s just I know what will happen while she’s gone…

  I still hear my little brothers up so I know I’m safe for a little while yet. This can’t be how my life is supposed to play out is it?

  A few hours after my brother’s go to bed I decide to tuck myself in as well. There’s no point trying to fall asleep since the clock only reads midnight. Mom won’t be home for at least two more hours. Come on two am…Or better yet come home early for once mom.

  I’m lying in bed with my Walkman on. I’m thinking about the events from today once again. I can’t help but focus on how Bobbie reacted after he seen Megan down on the floor like that.

  Thinking about it now I can’t help but wonder. No, there’s no way he could possibly like her, she’s so mean to him and I’ve never even seen them talk to each other.

  I must have dosed off from the exhaustion of this week, suddenly I’m startled awake by the hallway light coming into my room. I open my eyes to see Max. No. Please no.

  “I’m tired, please leave me alone.” I plead wrapping myself tighter into my blankets.

  “I’ll let you sleep soon.” He says closing my door behind him.

  “You can’t keep doing this. Please just stop.” I say into the darkness. I can hear my fear ringing out.

  “We’ve been through this many times Lucy.” He continues not listening to a word I’m saying.

  He approaches my bed and rips me out of my blankets. His six feet, two hundred and something pounds is no match for my small, thirteen - year- old body. I’m so small and powerless against him.

  “Please no.” I cry out over and over again but it’s never any use. He does what he wants no matter what.

  I let the tears flow easily not worrying about hiding them now. I’m trying to focus on anything other then what’s going on but it’s a struggle. Needing to break my concentration I look towards my collection of china dolls on the wall. They hold my attention for mere seconds so I try looking elsewhere. Turning my attention to all my little knick-knacks I look every single one over until I can barely make anything out through my tears…You’d think that would make Max stop but he doesn’t.

  Sometimes I feel like me fighting him does nothing but make him feel that much more powerful. How much longer must this go on?

  Finally, he finishes and pushes me back onto my bed. The fucker thinks he’s going to tuck me back into bed like nothing happened, I won’t give him the chance, I pull away and wrap myself deep into my blankets. He walks out of my room closing the door behind him. I’m left lying in bed soaked in tears and sweat just shaking. I’ll be awake for hours after that…either that or I’ll wake up from nightmares soon.

  I’m still awake at two-thirty when I hear my mom come in downstairs. Now I’ll be safe enough. I wonder how he acts around her after what he’s done? How does she not see him for who he really is? Is she that blind or does she just not care to see what’s happening right in front of her?

  I’m starting to feel the exhausted after everything. Now that my mom’s home I can relax a little more. I think I’m finally ready to get some sleep.

  I close my eyes immediately feeling the sleep take hold. I start thinking about Bobbie again but not about what happened today. I start picturing him outside of school. We’re down at the plaza outside the hobby shop where I take Jayden. Jayden’s inside looking around while Bobbie and I are standing outside finishing a smoke. The dream continues to pull me deeper into my sleep.

  Saturday night is pretty much a repeat of Friday night. Mom’s back to bingo no surprise. Once again I’m left home with Max…Come Monday morning my alarm goes off and I get up but I’m still so extremely tired. I’d rather go to school tired then stay here all day though.

  I shower hoping to wash away some of the tired. Dressing in baggy cargo’s and a plain t-shit I tie my hair back into a low ponytail.

  Looking at my reflection in the mirror in front of me I can see the sadness behind my own eyes. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’re stronger than this. Don’t let anyone destroy you. Taking a deep breath, I plaster on a fake smile and my headphones. Music makes dealing with everything easier.

  Downstairs I move about our townhouse getting ready for school. Max is still asleep upstairs in my mom/sister’s bedroom so I’m free to move around the down here without having to hide from him.

  Wanting to get away from everyone I slip out the front door without saying goodbye. The cool September air catches in my lungs and stings my face. It’s the beginning of fall, which means it’s my birthday this week. I’ll be turning fourteen already.

  Boarding the bus, I barely look at Gloria. Gloria’s a good judge of character but she’s never questioned me about my home life. I’m thankful she doesn’t ask either because I fear I might not be able to lie to her. That would be bad for the ones I’m protecting.

  We get to school without saying a word. I flash a smile as I step off the bus. There’s multiple people coming and going so I happen to sneak in with someone kind enough to hold the door for me.

  I’m navigating the halls already exhausted but I push through, I have no choice. I’m upstairs sitting in Geography class waiting for Octavia, who is always late. I’m debating telling her it’s my birthday Wednesday. We’ve only known each other two weeks so I’m not sure it’s right for me to call attention to it. I’m not used to having friends.

  I look down the hallway to see both Octavia and Britney, Britney’s a couple of steps ahead of Octavia and from here I can tell Octavia’s not about to run ahead of Britney. Octavia does her best to avoid Britney at all costs it seems.

  “Happy early birthday.” Britney says walking past my desk.

  “Thanks.” I smile. I honestly didn’t think she remembered or even cared for that matter.

  “It’s your birthday?” Octavia asks placing her messenger bag on the table beside me.

  “Not until Wednesday.” I return. “I was waiting to tell you.”

  “So do you have any big plans?” She asks sitting down.

  “I haven�
�t celebrated my birthday in years.” I offer.

  “What, why?” Octavia looks shocked.

  “It just so happens that Matt’s born on the same day. So, they do something for Matt mostly.” I realize how pathetic it sounds. This is why, I never tell anyone about my birthday.

  “Well that’s no fun.” Octavia turns to back to her bag.

  “Tell me about it.”

  “It’s settled then.”

  “What is?” I ask turning towards her.

  “You’re coming to my house this weekend.” Octavia shrugs.

  “I don’t know if I can manage the stairs with this.” I motion to the cast.

  But I’m afraid I won’t be allowed to go. God forbid mom let me go to someone’s house for the entire weekend…Or should I say Max won’t allow her to let me leave.

  “I’ll get you up the stairs. Besides there’s only five small ones inside and our garage practically pulls up to the side door.” She continues.

  Maybe this could work. I’d love to get away for a couple of days. “Okay I’ll beg my mom to let me.” And I would.

  “Make her feel guilty if she says no. It’s your fifteenth birthday and they have no plans, what kind of mom does that?” What kind of mom in-deed?

  “Actually I’m only turning fourteen.” I offer scrunching my hands deep into my sleeves.

  “You mean your only thirteen right now?” She’s looking at me funny.

  “Um yeah.” Is that a problem?

  “I swear I thought you were older. How are you in high school already?” Octavia questions.

  “My birthday is in September so the cut off age to begin school was October so…” I say. Did this just ruin our friendship?

  “You’re lucky, I had to wait a whole other year because my birthday is October twenty-seventh.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Tell me about it.” She returns.

  “So is everyone turning fifteen in here?” I ask looking around.

  “Probably. You’re the baby of the class.” She smiles winking at me.

  I wonder how old Bobbie is? I look in his direction to I see him blush. He diverts his eyes when mine lock on his. Was he just staring at me? Maybe I hadn’t totally lost him after all?

  ****

  The week seems to be going by extremely slow. This morning Gloria wishes me a happy birthday as I’m boarding the bus.

  “Thanks.” I smile walking past her.

  “Got any big plans after school?” She asks politely as I move past her.

  “Um I think we’re just doing a dinner at home or something.” I offer even though I know that there’s going to be a huge party for Matt.

  Arriving at school I make my way inside behind a group of people. Making my way down the hallway I stop off at my locker and pop into the AR room to grab the elevator key. I’m standing outside the AR room waiting for Bobbie to arrive when Cliff approaches me.

  “Happy birthday.” He says.

  “How did you even remember?” I question turning to him.

  “Because it’s only two days before mine.” He smiles at me.

  “Of course.” I smile back at him.

  I’m looking at Cliff who’s clearly a nice guy and seems to care about me. It would be so easy to fall for him…but I just don’t feel the same way for him as I do towards Bobbie.

  That’s when I see Bobbie walking down the hall. He smiles when he sees me and my heart feels like it’s melting. Bobbie’s expression changes when he spots Cliff standing beside me so instead of walking over to say hello he practically walks right past me.

  I literally feel like the airs been sucked out of my lungs. What just happened? I look towards Cliff who doesn’t notice what just happened.

  “Anyways Lucy, happy birthday.” Cliff says walking away.

  “Thanks and happy early birthday to you too.” I call after him.

  “Thanks I will.” He returns walking away.

  Guess I’m riding the elevator alone. I’ve got this. I don’t need anyone’s help. I can be independent.

  The rest of the day goes by in a blur. I barely see Bobbie and I’m not sure what’s going on? Did this still have to do with what happened on Friday with Megan or did this have something to do with seeing Cliff and I together?

  I return home from school to see our unit is decorated for Matt’s birthday. I approach and my mom barely acknowledges me.

  Happy birthday. I imagine her saying but she says nothing. I go inside to see Max in the kitchen. This day just keeps getting better and better.

  Not wanting to be around anyone I go to my room instead. I go through the emotions of slamming my door as I flop into my comfy chair.

  Is it the weekend yet? I can hear the door opening and closing downstairs and I know the moment Matt gets home because everyone’s wishing him a happy birthday. Happy birthday Matt. I hear mom call out.

  Whatever. I throw on my headphones and listen to my music. This past year my music tastes have completely changed. I’m listening to more heavier bands such as Korn, Marilyn Manson and Smashing Pumpkins now. See I use to be that sweet little catholic girl believing in a higher power, that was until I needed help and sought out the church.

  I was eight at the time…It was just after Max started doing things to me. I was so young and I didn’t understand what was happening to me, all I knew was that I wanted it to end. I prayed every night for things to stop. I’d pray that God either stop things from happening to me or I’d find my own way out. It was the first time I thought about ending my life. It was then that I witnessed an angel speak to me.

  I remember telling my parents, The Bernstein’s that I saw an angel but they didn’t believe me. They brought to the church to speak with a priest. I was placed in a room with the priest. I explained to the priest what I saw but I wasn’t about to tell him the stuff that happened before. That’s when the priest told me I was imagining things. I was shocked, I questioned how I could be seeing things, I think I said something along the lines of “I thought God speaks to us in mysterious ways, haven’t you said in your teaching that God speaks to you. Why can’t He speak to me too?”

  Of course the priest didn’t have an answer. After that day, everyone at me differently. It’s then that I felt like I no longer belonged in the church so whenever The Bernstein’s tried to get me to go to church or study religion I fought against it. How could I keep attending a church that didn’t practice what they preach? How could I possibly sit in church and continue to pray when I needed help and God wouldn’t help me? At least that’s how I saw it anyway.

  My faith shifted, making me less joyful and more closed off. If you wanted to get biblical…I felt like I was Eve (Adam and Eve) I was ashamed of my body and didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. All I wanted to do was slip away from everyone after that. If I was ashamed of myself, how could God want me in heaven now?

  An hour later my mom walks into my room so I slip off my headphones.

  “What are you doing up here?” She asks passing me a plate with two hotdogs and some fries.

  “Just listening to music.” I offer taking it.

  “You don’t want to come down?” She asks leaning against my closet door.

  “I’d rather not.” I don’t feel like pretending to be happy right now.

  “That’s your choice.” She shrugs.

  “Thanks for dinner.” I respond hoping that’s the end of the conversation.

  “You’re welcome.” She moves to the door. “Happy birthday Lucy.” She barely says.

  “Thanks.” I barely whisper.

  She nods and walks out closing the door behind her. Once I hear the front screen door slam behind her a tear rolls down my cheek. I guess that’s that. I put my headphones back on while I eat.

  ****

  Finally, it’s Friday. Octavia and I have big plans for this weekend. I’ll have just enough time to get home, have a shower and pack my bag before Octavia’s coming to pick me up.

  Rushing in the fron
t door I see my mom is on the couch talking on the phone. Go out all you want because I won’t be here. I smirk to myself.

  “I’m heading up for my shower.” I call out. “Can you listen for the phone I’m waiting for Octavia to call when she’s on her way.” I say in a rush.

  “I’m on it right now.” Mom returns.

  “I know. I mean after. She’s coming around five I think.” I return making it to the top step.

  I don’t stick around to hear her response. I’m on a mission to get out of here before I can only assume Max shows up. There was still a chance she wouldn’t let me go once Max catches wind of this plan. But for now I was going along as planned.

  Hopping into the shower I finish in a decent amount of time considering I’ve got to cover the cast every time. Not much longer with this stupid thing. I quickly move back into my room to get dressed and pack my things for this weekend. Moving about my room I grab a few clothes and shove them into my backpack. It’s not like I needed a lot I was only going away for two nights. Out of habit I threw my Walkman and an extra tape in each side pocket of my backpack.

  Finished packing I look in my mirror above my dresser to re-brush my hair. Since it’s still wet I put it in a sloppy bun.

  Rushing down the stairs I call out. “Has she called yet?” I duck into the kitchen to drop off my lunch container from school. On cue the phone rings. “Is that her?” I ask in a rather breathless breath.

  “I think so.” My mom yells.

  “Answer it please.” I snap still out of breath.

  The phone stops ringing as I hear my mom say hello, as I’m making my way towards the couch. Taking the phone, I answer.

  Octavia says, “We’re leaving now.”

  I hang up and go back to the kitchen just as the front door opens. I’m frozen in place. Max??? Shit. I thought I’d be out of here before he showed up. I wait to hear something but it’s quiet. Then I hear his boots drop and see him walk by the kitchen. I feel sick. I’m out of here.

  “I’m out of here mom, I’ll see you Sunday night.” I say bolting from the kitchen. I see Max behind me but I keep moving forward. Grabbing my shoes, I sit down to put them on. How I miss my “shit kickers” I can’t wait until Thursday when I finally get this stupid cast removed.